The nectar of the Gods!

    When I checked my school schedule that I haphazardly made back in March, I realized I had made a horrible mistake! My dumbass had scheduled nothing but morning classes! For someone who usually wakes up at 10 a.m., this was most uncool. However, I have done this many a times before. I knew how to prepare myself for such an endeavor. I knew it was time to slap on my ass-less chaps, and get back on the horse known as energy drink addiction.Time was running out as summer came to a close, and it was off to Sam's Club to pick up a 24 pack of Monster! Or two, or three. Lucky for me, they had added more than two flavors of Monster, including Zero Ultra! With a name that edgy, it has to be good!

       As anyone who knows me is aware of, I try out every new flavor of energy drinks, from the latest Rockstar, to whatever Big Lots is hawking on the cheap. I personally consider myself some sort of energy drink connoisseur. However, as experienced as I am with energy drinks, the tastes are extremely hard to distinguish. They usually fall between a sour sugar filled drink with a hint of diabetes, to a pixie stick filled concoction that makes your teeth hurt. I'm not going to claim Zero Ultra is that much different. Though it is slightly so!

     What really makes the Zero Ultra stand out is the can design! The majority of the can has embossed designs, most of which resemble bathroom wall paper, or something a frat brah would get on his bicep. Still the silver designs on a white can definitely stand out. Truly, it is a thing of beauty.

Yes it does look like semen outside of the can! Which is why you never drink it out of the glass, it destroys the mystery! Anyway the taste is why I love it so. It tastes like a creamsicle overloaded with sugar. Really though, who didn't love those delicious orange cream delicacies from their youth ? Anything with a walrus wearing sunglasses and playing a saxophone screams excitement. The 90s were loaded with awesome anthropomorphic animals, before those furries ruined it. In any case this bad boy is how I start my sleep deprived mornings, and my long half asleep drive to Cleveland.I give it a 10/10! I combine it with Hyper Shred, which claims to be a weight loss pill, but I believe it is only a caffeine pill. Which is exactly what I need. Sometime I amp it up to the XTREME!!!! combining it with Captain Crunch.

Monster Zero Ultra -10/10. Would marry and be divorced from, as no one is good enough for her.