In case my blog name didn't tip you off, I love the 1986 Transformers movie. I remember seeing it on VHS Christmas of 1992 when I was 4 or so. My brother and I were big fans of the Generation 2 repacked cartoon, and seeing the movie at Suncoast (remember them ?) we instantly wanted it. Seriously check out the cover/ movie poster!
Look at those kick ass futuristic Transformers firing at some sort of planet thing! Holy Shit this movie looks great ? Where the fuck are Optimus Prime and the gang though ? This does not bode well . . .
The movie begins with a giant planet known as Unicron traveling through space.
Creepy looking isn't it ? It has matching foreboding music! Unicron then finds something delicious to snack on- another planet! After witnessing the destruction and hopelessness of the inhabitants, we cut to a new, more familiar cast of characters.
In the far off future of 2005 is when this movie takes place. Since the end of season two, 20 years have passed, and the Decepticons have conquered Cybertron. This all happened off screen of course. The Autobots are holding out on two moon bases of Cybertron, and Autobot City on earth. A transmission about a shuttle leaving the moon bases to head to earth is picked up by a Decepticon spy, and seen by Megatron. Naturally he attacks it( killing off the old outdated toys, I mean Autobots), using it as a Trojan Horse to sneak in to Autobot City.
Unfortunately for him, an Autobot by the name of Hot Rod and a young boy named Daniel watch the landing, and notice a hole blown in the side of the ship, and Decepticons standing inside. Hot Rod begins firing, and the battle begins.
The rest of the Autobots begin to fight back against the onslaught begins. Surprised, and basically lost without Optimus Prime, they get creamed. Still look at these shiny new toys to buy!
I must buy them all, I must buy them all! From left to right it's Springer, Ultra Magnus, Perceptor, Arcee, and Springer. Only Ultra Magnus is noteworthy plot wise.Too bad he can't deal with this right now. Anyway the slaughter continues, until Optimus and the Dinobots arrive to turn the tide of battle. They received a transmission about a serious beat down on earth, and Dinobots love beat downs! Optimus manages to do what the television show made us believe was impossible- defeat the bad guys once and for all! Take that status quo! Then after taking out the grunts it's time for the big bad! Megatron!
The battle never was this intense, or well drawn in the show! Fuck yeah this is great! Unfortunately Hot Rod interferes, in a move that draws the ire of Transformers fans to this day. Optimus is shot by Megatron, but despite this still manages to knock him off a cliff. With their leaders down, both sides retreat.
On earth in the ruins of Autobot City Optimus lies dying.Spoilers! It happened over 25 years ago, it you didn't know this that's your problem. He comes back of course thanks to fan demand near the end of season 3! Don't worry kids! in any case, before he dies, he passes on the Matrix of leadership, a previously unseen totem held by the leaders of the Autobots. Pretty cool right ? Ultra Magnus receives it,but not before Hot Rod touches it! Is the leadership determined by the next touchee ?
While the events above transpired, the damaged Decepticons, including Megatron are tossed out into space on their return to trip to Cybertron. Harsh right ? What else would you expect from the bad guys? Love and understanding ? Unicron picks them up and reformat Megatron as Galvatron- with the voice of Leonard Nimoy! That's what I call an upgrade!
The other junk Decepticons are upgraded as Cyclonus and his Sweeps. The new team of awesome and futuristic Deceptions head to Cybertron to show Starscream what's up.
Starscream holds himself a coronation ceremony, since what else do you do when you're an douche with an overblown ego ? Galvatron shows up, and he ain't having none of that shit.
Fuck you Stascream! Now let's go and attack earth! Nope, new guys only, you old toys stay here and play with your dicks. While this is happening, Unicron devours both of Cybertron's moon bases, and even detonating one of them does nothing to this behemoth. It is worth noting that Bumblebee and Daniel's father Spike are on the second moon base.
The Deception attack force renews their attack on earth, forcing the Autobots to flee in two shuttles- one containing Ultra Magnus and his bros, along with Daniel, and the second is the party shuttle with Hot Rod, Kup, and the Dinobots.
We all would want to be on the second shuttle. As they flee, Galvatron and his attack force catch up. Ultra's magnus convoy of seriousness escapes by detonation the majority of the ship, but still crash land on a planet of Junk. Yes teacher, it is capitalized, as it's a proper noun! The Party ship crashes on the planet of Quintessa.
Hot Rod and Kup land under water, which includes a sweet musical number to bad ass 80s tunes while Hot Rod takes out a robot squid to save Kup. Once on land they meet up with the Sharkticons, which are giant robot sharks. They try to make friends with gifts on energon cookies, and the universal greeting of "
ah-weep-graaaaagnah wheep nini bong." When the cookies run out, so does the hospitality. Hot Rod and Kup are taken captive by the Sharkticon's masters, the Qunitessons.
Galvatron and his team decide to pursue team Ultra Magnus, as they want the matrix. Luckily for him, team Ultra Magnus just runs, leaving Ultra Magnus to open the matrix to "light our darkest hour."
Yep, doesn't work. Plus his arms look pretty fricking creepy in this shot. Galvatron orders his sweeps to destroy him, and claims the matrix as his own. Galvatron hopes to control Unicron with his shiny new trinket, but while all this was occurring, where are the dinobots ?
They're on planet Quintessa with Hot Rod and Kup!An annoying Autobot named Wheelie leads them to where Hot Rod and Kup and being patronized in a mock trial. The odds are in their favor however, as just when they're about to be eaten by Sharkticons, the calvary arrives!
Robot Dinosaurs always improve the odds for in your favor. They scare the Sharkticons into rebelling against their leaders. Now it's time to leave this planet until Five Faces of Darkness! Wait we need a ship! Wheelie has one ? Well I guess he isn't useless! Let's roll!
The first step twoards victory is getting the band back together, which means its off to planet Junk to find their running crew. The inhabitants of junk are motorcycle robots who talk T.V., lead by Wreck-Gar.
What's left of Ultra Magnuses team aren't getting on so hot with them, until Hot Rod and his mates show up. With the Universal greeting and more energy cookies, everyone begins dancing happily like the best of friends.
They even repair Ultra Magnus. The repairing of Ultra Magnus always bugged me, he was torn into pieces, and can be repaired just fine. While Optimus took some body damage and that was it.It's time for the final showdown! Unicron!
Galavatron shows up and begins to talk smack to Unicron, thinking his new bling will help him.It doesn't and pisses of Unicron so much, he transforms! What a wild twist!
Now he begins to destroy Cybertron, not eat. What a wastrel! Just playing with his food as if he were some child in a high chair with spaghetti. Now the heroes arrive in two ships, one with the Autobots, the other with the Junkions, and for whatever reason Perceptor. The Autobot shuttle takes a hit, and a daring move by Hot Rod crash lands the ship right through Unicrons eye! Awesome!
Hot Rod gets separated from the rest, but manages to find Galvatron, since time's running out, and we need a climactic battle. Since focusing on the two of them throwing down would be too awesome, we get scenes of the rest of the Autobots fighting Unicron's immune system, and Daniel saving his father and Bumblbee from a vat of acid. I love touching father sun reunions.
Outside the battle is raging, but nothing has any sort of effect. Luckily our hero Hot Rod has the touch! He's got the power! YEAH!!! Galvatron and Hot Rod brawl until the matrix is grabbed by the later. When he attempts to unleash it, he hears the voice of Optimus declaring "Arise Rodimus." After growing a few feet, it's time to deal with Galvatron once and for all!
Hot Rod throws Galvatron into space! Take that villian! Now it's time to unleash the Matrix, and "light our darkest hour!"
The power of the matrix makes Unicron goes crazy, and tear himself apart. Autobots, Transform and roll out!
Hot Rod, along with the name upgrade to Rodimus Prime, becomes some sort of futuristic space Winnebago! It's how all will vacation in the future!Time to drive out the exit- Unicrons other eye!
I love it when cars drive through space. Apparently Unicron destroyed enough Decepticons that the Autobots can just show up on Cybertron and claim it as their own. Hot Rodimus gives a speech, and "Til all are one" Echoes into space.
Now it's back to the status quo, poor animation, and the uninspired voice acting of the television series. Personally, aside from a select few episodes of the televisions series, like the one where Blitzwing tried to lead the Decepticons, while taking advice from a football coach, and rambling about zone defense, the 80s cartoon kind of sucked. I watched every episode, don't get me wrong, but it was not easy. Personally I loved Beast Wars, and Robots in Disguise was fun. The rest of them, not so much. I do have a raging boner for the Michael Bay explosion porn Trilogy, that's my default Transformers along with the 1986 movie. So in conclusion-Transformers : The Movie 9/10.
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