Dispensor- The most Euphoric Transformer in existence

Remember back in the first Transformers when Sam dropped the all spark and it hit a Mountain Dew machine and turned into a Transformers ? I do, fuck you guys. Since then I've always wanted a toy based on this beautiful bastard, for hilarity's sake. Finally with the latest movie coming out he received one! As a Japanese exclusive, with off brand labels on a truck, not a vending machine! Takara!!! Well I'll take what I can get. So I ordered him ASAP, and a week ago he arrived (I know, I'm lazy).

They spelled his name right! Go Japan!

I'm fairly certain this mold will be repositioned as the garbage Truck from Dark of the Moon and Age of Extinction, if it wasn't already. Which is fine, because this is a really cool mold!

Almost a vending Machine right ?

He's a cute little truck with a vending machine pattern on the back. How kawaii! The design is definitely going to evoke visions of Mountain Dew, without crossing the line into product placement. Sadly there is nowhere to store his weapon. Oh well, let's Transform him!

   I was surprised when I Transformed him, he's a pretty cool looking guy! A bit dumpy, but I'm fairly certain that's how he looked in film. The paint job is solid, but this guy did cost twice as much as a deluxe release over here in Murrica, so he ought to be. The issue with him though is his gimmick, you push out his huge sticking out bumper, and it becomes a law that grasps, like so:

Which is cool and everything, but he looks like crap from behind:

Yeah, there's nothing you can do about that. Too bad, so sad. Overall though, I really dig this guys design. The sculpt is great, especially his creepy evil face, the paint is solid, and he even houses a gimmick, what more could one want ? 8/10, get your Euphoria on! So when is my Cheetos repaint ? Even better where is my Oreos version ? (It's cannon!) Now here's my cat being a dick.

My asshole child does this every night.

Transf4mers Age of Extinction The greatest film ever created by man.

There are people in this world who believe Michael Bay isn't the greatest film maker ever. Hard to believe right ? Even crazier is that there are people who will not see age of extinction, let alone only see it once! Personally I plan on seeing it at least 5 times, possibly more. I've only seen it twice so far, and I have barely scraped the depth of this masterpiece.

  We all know the story by now, Some good robots beat the shit out of bad robots and vice versa. So what's different this time around ? It's bigger and better in every possible way (Though I miss The Beef). The entire human cast has been wiped away as well, say goodbye to Shia Labeouf, and hello to Marky Mark Wahlberg. For some this may be seen as an improvement, though personally I miss Shia Labeouf. His neurotic, screaming constantly, and full of energy. Marky Mark comes off as more of a generic action hero, with him actually shooting an alien gun at the big bad in the final climax battle. To be fair though, Shia did take out Starscream, but that isn't a big accomplishment in the grand scheme of things.

    The film also take place 4 years after the battle of Chicago, aka the climax of Dark of the moon, and all Transformers are being hunted down, Autobot or Decepticon, it doesn't matter to Kelsey Grammer. They're all bad guys in his book. That doesn't stop him from teaming up with Lockdown, the big bad of the film. Lockdown is a bounty hunter sent by the mysterious creators (Quintesson? Unicron ? Primus?)  to capture Optimus Prime.In exchange he gets a seed to turn organic material into what the Transformers are made of, Transformium. So why does he want the seed ? To give to a company that has begun making their own Transformers, and get rich. America!
 
    Our hero Marky Mark is a poor inventor with a hot daughter who struggles to make ends meet. While checking out an old theater for things to sell, he finds a beat up old truck that he believes he can sell for parts. He takes it home, and discovers it's an Autobot, Optimus Prime! What a strange coincidence.  Since the movie wouldn't go anywhere without trouble, the government's secret agency  finds out the Markster is hiding Optimus, and descend upon is property. Some shit happens, and their house explodes in classic Bay stay, and the gang is on the run. They lose Marky Mark's best friend, but gain his daughter's generic boyfriend. Naturally he and Marky Mark clash, as do our current group of Autobots.

     The only remaining Autobots from the previous film are Brains, Bumblebee, and Optimus Prime. The newcomers are
Drift- a samurai that turns into a Helicopter and Bugatti.
Hound- an old friend of Optimus and weapons expert, essentially the robot embodiment of his voice John Goodman.
Crosshairs-A Corvette that seems to hate everyone, complete with a trench coat, though sadly no fedora.
The years on the run have been tough on the autobots. They bicker like Children, and can't seem to stand one another. Drift and Bumblebee hate each other, Crosshairs hates everyone, and Optimus hates the humans. Getting this crew to work together will not be an easy task, especially teaming them up with humans, who have been hunting them and killing their comrades.

The plot of this movie is generic and stupid as hell. It is a summer blockbuster, so it should be judged on fun factor and enjoyment, and for me it definitely succeeds in both regards.  It has robot battles out the ass, takes place over two continents, and features some of the best looking cars I've ever seen. Top it off with Optimus and his gang riding the Dinbots, Giant Robot dinosaurs into battle in China, and you have one hell of a movie. It is a bit long at 2 hours and 45 minutes, but I was never bored with it. My main issue was the Dinobots were mute, and showed up about 20 minutes from the end. Another annoyance was the ending, where Optimus Prime flies off into space like he's fucking Superman or whatever.  Still it doesn't sway my love of the bay- 999999/10. Go see it now! I wouldn't recommend the 3D version, the visual effects started to give my friend and I headaches around two hours in.  Now it's time to see it Five or so more times.

huehuehue

On a related note, don't ever play Transformers rise of the Dark Spark. it's a broken mess of a game, and a headache for anyone who attempts it. The second level is the hardest, with tiny drones being as strong as Megatron that like to rape you hard and fast, and cannot be targeted with the awful Camera. The controls are a mess, especially on any level that contains jumping. The plot is nonsense, and random glitches will just happen- ranging from bullets to just go through your enemy to cutscenes not triggering due to broken code. I suffered through this game, and would advise anyone else to stay away. The only decent part was splaying as Grimlock, and even that was dull and glitchy. 2/10, but only for Grimlock. Otherwise this turd would be a zero.