Weaboo food review, with all the Japanese snacks you can find at Five Below.

As with most weaboos, I love anything to do with Japan, and that includes Japanese snacks! I use to buy them all the time at World Market, but then the local one closed. Then I found out there was another World Market 30 minutes away. I headed out there, and they also had the best Toys R Us I've ever been at, because it's in a rich area, and rich folk don't buy toys. By that Toys R us however, there was a Five below. It's like a dollar store, but everything there is $5 or below. I picked up a few cheap Transformers (Dark of The Moon deluxe) and delicious weaboo snacks. Now let's check out my haul!

That is quite the meal, one that could almost give you diabetes. I'm currently dying from it, so I hope you all appreciate my sacrifice. Time for the My little Pony Energy Drink!

You know those generic energy drinks they sell at random stores that think they're cool, such as Hot Topic, FYE, and Spencers ? They ones that are all the same shit, but with different labels slapped on them ? That's pretty much what these are, but with with cherry taste, instead of a sour one. It's like a cherry 7 up, but with more sugar. I felt like a faggot drinking this, and it gave me a headache. Clearly this was a test to see if I was a Brony, and I failed. But I bet you wouldn't! 4/10, for Bronies only.

Grape Ramune! I first became infatuated with ramune after seeing it is Raxephon. Then I saw it at my local FYE (RIP) and have been sporadically drinking them ever since. World Market has the widest variety of flavors, but I hate going there, and always leave with $50 in diabetes inducing snacks. Anyways this drink barely tastes like grape, it's closer to selzter water with a hint of grape cough syrup, so in short it's awful. Most ramunes are awful, but the Japanese writing tricks me every time,  That and the cool marble pop gimmick that opens it.  2/10, but I have no doubt I'll but it again.

As an ex-energy drink whore, I feel compelled to try any new energy drink. Even ones that are spin offs of shitty drinks I hate. They were even on sale at Target for 2/$3These share something in common with Ramune though- they both taste like awful seltzer water with a hint of medicine. Strawberry lime tastes awful, like something you'd give a misbehaving child. It's seltzer water with a hint of lime and strawberry syrup mixed together, so unless you like to vomit, don't buy this. 1/10, I struggled to finish it and I can drink anything.  The orange mango is a bit better, but still terrible. It tastes like when you put only a drop of tang into water, and it tastes like sour  and bitter. 2/10. I'm not sure who came up with these, but I hate them.

Next up is Yam Yams! These are sold and Target everywhere, in addition to weaboo stores. Yam Yams are biscuit sticks that can be dunked into a frosting dish, creating a psuedo pocky. The two I picked up are dual flavors, Chocolate/ Strawberry and Hazelnut/Vanilla. The Chocolate/Strawberry one is the Dunkaroos rip off you would expect, with vaguely vanilla biscuit sticks, and sugary tasting frosting. 6/10The Hazelnut/Vanilla one's biscuits tasted like munching on a wooden Popsicle stick. Delicious. 3/10.

I initially bought these because they looked cool, but they tasted pretty sweet, so I kept picking them up. Chocorooms are mushroom shaped treats with the top being a chocolate crown, and the stem being a biscuit. They taste the same as any other Japanese snack, sugary, and with a vanilla-esque biscuit. Still, it's the comical shape that sells them- 7/10! I bought two boxes and they were delicious!

These two snacks may seem different, at least at first glance. But no, Japanese snacks that make it to America are all pretty much the same sugary concoctions. Hello Pandas are pillow shaped biscuits that are filled with filling, in this case a delicious sugary strawberry. Well, artificial strawberry. Printed onto the from of the treat is a Panda playing some sort of sport. It's too cute not to love- 8/10! Koala's March is the same idea and Hello Panda, but with A Koala on the cookie! The Kolala is sittign on all of them, that Lazy strayan. He's holding something, since that comforts the slow witted Strayan. They don't taste as good as the Pandas either, the chocolate is bitter, and the biscuit isn't as sugary delicious. 4/10, never again Koala!

Does Hello Kitty even count as Japanese anymore ? I somehow doubt it. Especially since Jelly Belly is American (probably). Still I love me a good bean, so I picked these up. The theme of the bag is all red and pink flavors that no one will ever discern, since everyone just throws fist fulls  of them and eats them like a starving hog. The flavors are listed on the back though, in case anyone cares. They are sugary, delicious, and has a kitty on the bag, what more do you want ? 7/10, Red is a pretty color.

What sort of weaboo snack blog would this be without Pocky, a staple of the weaboo diet? A shitty one, that's what! For the two people who don't know what Pocky is, it's biscuits covered in a delicious frosting. They are sold at Wal-Marts, Giant Eagle, and probably other places I can't remember.  This particular flavor is Strawberry Cream, a variant on the classic Strawberry, a favorite of mine. It tastes like delicious artificial Strawberry, and you can barely taste the awful biscuit underneath. That is all I could ask from any snack. 10/10, would buy stock in. Now it's time to slip into a diabeetus coma, or play Gundam Dynasty Warriors. Tough call.

Food Review! Staring Taco Bell's latest offerings and Weaboo snacks! Get ready to vomit.

Well I ate some of the worst food this past weekend, and now you get to experience them second hand! What more could you want? First up is Taco Bell.

 Up first is the Chipotle Chicken Loaded Griller. I initially started going to taco Bell when I heard tell of the Buffalo Chicken Loaded Griller. I was excited to try this, and was only slightly let down. It's basically a less spicy version of the Buffalo Chicken laoded griller. It has less sour cream, which is a plus I guess ? Still, it is half tortilla like all their other Loaded Grillers, so I expected such cheapness. It's for those of you who want to try something new and lamer than what you usually eat. 7/10

Next is the Chili Cheese Fry loaded Griller. Us Autitsts will remember Sonic the Hedgehog loved Chili Cheese dogs, so this is close enough, if you're a vegan. This is basically a tortilla stuffed with potato turds and a hint of chili and cheese. It was so bland I couldn't even finish it, ugh. I expect better from you Taco Bell! Why you do this to me ? 3/10.

Finally is the stuffed nacho, a great idea. . . in theory.  It's a tortilla in the triangle shape of a nacho chip, but filled with red Nacho bits, cheese, and ground beef. The main issue here is the Nacho bits overwhelm the cheese, which is what I consider the main component of Nachos. When I get Nacho's shit is like cheese soup with little nacho bits. This mess is extremely dry, and notoriously barren of cheese. Still is was $1.40, so I can't  complain too much. I'll give her a 5/10.

 I have a picture of what I ate at the continental breakfast at Red Roof Inn, so here's a review why not ? The blueberry bagel was awful, it was cold, dry and hard. Even smothering it in cream cheese couldn't save it for me. My friend at the other half, because he doesn't believe in throwing it away to mock children in Africa like I do. The bagel was a solid 3/10. Booooo. The apple danish was okay, it's extremely hard to screw something like that up though. I'm sure they bought them from B.J.'s like my dad does and served them to guests. They don't get a score due to being generic. The blueberry muffins were the best part, but they were tiny, and overwhelmed by the poppy seed muffins 3:1, so i couldn't get many without fingering every goddamn muffin on the tray. They were trying to keep the good parts from me! The apple juice was cgood, but every other juice on the machine was watered down or empty. Fuck you neckbeards, I need that juice more than you do! Overall I shall rate it a 6/10, I once stayed at a hotel that gave me free yogurt and waffles, it's hard to top that.

Now for some weaboo snacks fun! they had such variety, how could I not buy so much  ? Lets get the train running with the best. The Ramunes!

For those of you not in the know, Ramune is a carbonated drink with a marble blocking the drink hole that must be popped out using a mini nipple included on top of the bottle. They're over priced, but more importantly, extremely Japanese.  So how do they taste ? The Hawaii blue tastes like a melted blue Popsicle, orange tastes like watered down tang, and the Pre- Cure or Pretty Cure one tastes like sugar water. I honetly can't reccomend any of them, except as collectibles or novelty items. They aren't bad or anyhting,  just small and $3.00 a bottle. Who can afford that in today's economy ? 4/10 for all three Ramunes!

These are Pokemon Fruit snacks! A steal at $2 a pack! And by steal, I mean for the seller, not me obviously. The packages showed Mewtwo and Evve, and i only got the lamer one naturally. There's a bunch of Evee']s and Pikachus, along with Pokemon that aren't generation one, so I don't give an iota of fuck who they are. There was no Charizard sadly.It just can't be helped. They fruit snacks are like every other one you see on store shelves, except gushers or those delicious Ocean spray ones. These are a mixture of sugar and high fructose corn syrup. Awesome. 10/10 cuz Pokemon.

Now time for the worst thing on the list, Brown Sugar Mochi! I've had green tea and purple flavors before, since those are sold at World Market, but never this variation. Brown sugar is delicious, and brown is the color of Chocolate! What could go wrong ?

  First off, these leak powder everywhere. Second they taste like a mixture of old coffee, and flour. There may be a hint of brown sugar mixed in, but i didn't taste it. These are Not GOOD in any regard. I eneded up feeding them to my hobo dog, she loved them. Then again she eats cat turds and my mom's cooking so I am not surprised. Brown Sugar mochi- 2/10. Seriously, the package is slamming, why can't the food live up to that standard?

Finally are these kit things. I thought they were marshmallow doughnuts and gummy sushi, and technically they are, but you have to make you own! It's a creation kit! That's what I get for not reading the box. Then again, I can't read fucking moon runes. Why do the nutrition facts get an Englsih label, but not how to make them ? Fucking Japanese shits! Confusion/ 10

Even more food reviews! Featuring Aldi's sausage, Monster Ultra Blue, and the Legendary Grease Sandwich!

It's time to D-D-D-D-Duel! Duel with my stomach, and it's insistence that I don't each so much processed junk! I say fuck you stomach, you take this food and love it. First up is the delicious Monster Energy drink Ultra blue. Who doesn't love blue drinks ? Communists, that's who! And you aren't a Communist right ? Plus it says Ultra, and who didn't love Malibu's short lived Ultraverse comics ? I loved Prime and Hardcase anyway, and maybe drinking this will give me ultra powers!

The can is a blue recolor of the Monster Ultra Zero, complete with embosses designs, though I think the paragraph on the side is different. I'm too lazy to walk to my car, so maybe someday I'll check and update this. It's a nicer color though when poured out of the can than Ultra Zero, I dig the shade of pale blue. Still, it's a drink, not a women. It has to prove its worth by tasting great! And does it ? No! It tastes like NOS Energy drink, a pineapple concoction with  a hint of blue raspberry. I know blue raspberry isn't a real fruit, but veggies and fruits are for dirty hippies who can't handle eating the flesh of weaker creatures. Anyway this drink kind of sucks, but if you like pineapple and the color blue more than your average folk, this one's for you! Luckily I'm super strong and fast, so I did not need to receive Ultra powers. Monster Ultra Blue 6/10

   Rolling along downhill on this review train next is a large staple of my processed meat diet- the legendary Aldi's Sausage.

Yes, I know it doesn't say Aldi's on the box, and they sell these cheap ass sausages everywhere but Aldi's sausage is a funnier title than Breakfast Best's sausage. These are basically the cheapest sausages you can buy, and my dad buys them in large quantities. I have never seen him eat any, so I can only fathom that he expects me to eat them all. Well, myself and the Dingo. Here's what these bad boys appear as when taken right out of the freezer:

Yum, generic gray logs of meat! My mouth is watering already! You throw them in the microwave for roughly a minutes and they gain a slight tan:

Now they have transformed into brown logs of meat! Fuck yes!  Ignore the grease sandwich, it's coming in the next segment of reviewage! These sausages are pretty gross, I will not lie. They taste like salt, and are chewier than any meat should be. Luckily, growing up with a mother who can't cook has prepared me for this:

    I douse them in maple syrup, and it covers all the taste away. Now they are delicious maple syrup covered turds. Yep, I have no idea how I'm alive either. Aldi's sausage-4/10

Since I'm sure the tantalizing image of the delicious grease sandwich has made your mouth water, and you're just about to run out and buy a box. But wait! Are they good ? Well your bestest buddy Gypsy Dangerr is about to tell you!

They're really called Jimmy Dean Croissant sanwiches, with sausage, egg, and cheese. I have been eating these for close to ten years, and I will never get sick of them. My dad always buys them in bulk at Sam's club or B.J.s. Which is obviously what you should do too! Preferably at Sam's club, as that is where Dino Nuggets reside. Make sure you pick me up a box! I'll tell you hilarious stories in exchange and hand out with you!
   
    The nickname grease sandwich comes from the grease the sausage secretes while being microwaved. It causes the sandwich to slide apart:

    Ignore my messy kitchen. Doesn't this look appetizing ? You bet your sweet ass it does! I usually put it back together, it's easier to eat that way.

    Now that is a good looking sandwich! Not on par with Mcdonalds delicious Egg Mcmuffins, or MCGriddle, but those cost money and require wearing pants. Nothing is worth those two sacrifices. The taste of this is pretty simple: Salt and cheese. There is a slight hint of bread, but its overwhelmed by saltiness. It's such an extremely chewy substance, that it requires minimal effort to masticate. Teehee. Jimmy Dean's grease sammich-6/10

     The creepy thing about the Aldi's sausage and grease sandwich is that I swear we were out, then BAM! There was a single sandwich and half a box of sausage in the fridge. It looks like the ghost of Christmas past wanted me to eat them, and share their greatness with you! Next time it may finally be time for my beloved Dino Nuggets. My dad has been slacking, so it may be up to me to procure a box.

Also these are fucking delicious and i was going to review them, but what can you say about Buffalo Chicken Strips ? Here's the pictures I took anyway. shit is delicious. Tyson Buffalo Chicken Strips-10/10!

So all together now:
Monster Ultra Blue 6/10
Aldi's sausage-4/10
Jimmy Dean's grease sammich-6/10
Tyson Buffalo Chicken Strips-10/10!

Mass food review post because Fuck you.

    I had a bunch of fun foods, all bought from the food library as I'm told its called. Since I'm too busy with whatever it is I do with my goddamn time. Mostly school, driving and killing myself at the gym. In any chase Food review- RREEEEEAAAAADDYYYY! GO!

    First up are these delicious Iron Man 3 fruit snacks!Fuck yeah!

 

Yes, yes I know the movie came out 4 months ago, but I have seen it 8 times. That makes me a much bigger Iron Man fan than you. I even have read the comics from 2006 to present, even the recent ones where they decided Tony Stark is some Alien Robot hybrid thing. These fruits snacks are obviously a quick food cash in, and I love things like that! It will never compare to High School Musical cereal, but that is truly an unrealistic standard for any food. These bad boys taste like bland sugary globules, with not discernible fruit taste. The box claims they're made with real fruit, but that's just a clever marketing scam.

 

Here's a shot of them in my hand. They have pictures of your favorite Iron Man shapes naturally. From  Iron Man's head and hand, to The Avengers symbol, and the words Iron Man! Holy shit! These kind of taste like chewu vitamins, but with none of the trace amounts of minerals and other shit to make them vaguely healthy. They chew like rubber, and really do not taste much better. I bump them up with a +2 to the score, as the remind me of Iron Man 3, which I love. 6/10

Next up is a Halloween favorite, Halloween Oreos! Now, these Halloween Oreos are exactly like regular Oreos, but with orange filling and Halloween centric images on the flip side! Holy Shit!

 As you can see the packages has witches on it, worshiping the delicious disc. Do not worry young God fearing fellows and lady fellows, these are not Satanic or related to Wicca in any way. You can enjoy them without worry for your eternal soul. There are maybe two or three people in the world who have not had an Oreo, so let me describe the taste. The cookie part takes like a bitter chocolate that is overloaded with sugar. It has a rough texture, and it leaves black crud in your bowl of milk, and your mouth. Perhaps you don't eat your Oreos with milk ? What kind of life do you live ? The filling is vanilla, but the orange makes it taste better. Like how drinks always taste better with a straw. For a real challenge get some whole milk and try to eat a whole package in one sitting. My personal best was all but four cookies, I fed those final four to my dog. Then I had a headache from the sugar rush and had to take a nap. My life is truly pain. Oreos-8/10.

     Overall in my lifetime, there has never been a cereal that I have stuffed myself more with than Captain Crunch. I will never get sick of the delicious taste- because me and the Captain, we make in Happen!

    I'm fairly certain Captain Crunch has been around since ancient times. It was made by the Egyptians building the pyramids, as a food that would never go bad when buried with their Pharaohs. Since then it has been refined, and had more varieties added. The pharaohs only had regular Captain Crunch. Not yet invented was my personal favorite Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries, or Oops! All berries. They certainly didn't have the recent addition of Cinnamon Bun Crunch(which is muy fabulouso!), or Christmas Crunch, as Christmas had not been invented.  On to the taste!

   The first thing you notice is how delicious the Crunch Berries look. You see the ridges on the regular pieces and think that shit will tear up your mouth! It will, as will the crunch berries. When you begin to chew on these sugary rocks, it almost feels like the roof of your mouth is being torn apart, as if sandpaper is rubbing on it. Do not worry, the sweet tasting nuggets will coat your mouth with some sort of sugary film that will stay with you longer after the bowl if empty. To be honest, these taste like every other breakfast cereal, but  are much rougher, and less colorful. Still it's got a pirate on the box, and my dad buys multiple boxes per shopping trip. Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries- 6.5/10.

   
Finally is the recently (sort of) released Mountain Dew Kickstart. It's only a dollar, making it the cheapest drink you can buy at a store right next to the register!

    I remember hearing about this drink as some sort of breakfast thing ? The can proudly proclaims it is 5% juice, which is to mislead fatties and idiots into thinking that the concoction is healthy. Trust me, it ain't, like at all. Even worse I received the lamest energy boost ever from it. I may have acaffeine tolerance equivalent to a two year meth heads meth tolerance, but I expected it to Kickstart my heart. It did nothing of the sort. Taste wise, it is a combination of flat Mountain Dew, and a horse's necktie. For those not in the know, a horse's necktie is when you mix ginger ale and orange juice. Whoever came up with the name probably pulled the term out of his ass, but things need names, so whatever. The color kind of resembles dark piss, like if you were dehydrated or something. There really is nothing good about this drink, and the fruit punch flavor is even worse than the orange. After all the special edition Dew flavors that were fucking delicious, I thought these guys could make the most delicious energy drink in existence. I mean, AMP is okay and all, but it has nothing on Voltage, or Code red. Why not combine them with an energy drink ? Fuck me I'm going to try this next time I don't sleep and have to go to class. Kickstart-2/10. It didn't kill me at least.

So in conclusion:
Iron Man 3 fruit snacks- 6/10
Halloween Oreo-8/10
Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries-6.5/10
Mountain Dew Kickstart-2/10

Next time I'll hopefully have some grease sandwiches aka Jimmy Dean Croissant sandwiches, Aldi's sausage, that bacon that's in the basement fridge, and my personal favorite, the light of my life- Yummy Dino Buddy Chicken Nuggets! 100% all natural!