Final Fantasy XIII-2- It was a chore and a half to get through FF XIII, so I have no idea what compelled me to play this. I can honestly say it's the worst game I've ever completed. The final level with rotating block that you can barely jump pushed this turd to unimaginably awful heights. Lightning's sister and a guy named Noel jump through time, to save the world or something. Apparently everyone else can travel through time and not age, or just doesn't age, because you meet the cast of XIII throughout hundreds of years. This game is terrible, and the boss battles are broken wrecks. Just hammer endless, because if you try and heal, you are fucked. Especially during Caius' five seperate boss battles.
The final boss battle is Bahumut, who has two partners. If you kill them, he will just revive them and do a super move that will kill all of your party save Noel. I was just about to beat him when the game FUCKING FROZE! So I said fuck it, I've spent almost and hour on this faggot, I'm watching the end on YouTube. Even Serah Dying could not make up for the awful game. 0/10
Lightning Returns- You think after suffering through FF XIII-2, I would have learned to not fucking touch another Final Fantasy game in the XIII series. You would be wrong! I could barely take an hour of this shit. Apparently Lightning is the Savior of the world, put there by God to save the souls of humanity before the world ends. Apparently everyone is immortal too, because why the fuck not ? Lightning and Hope live together in a spaceship above the earth, and Lightning travels to earth to wander around helping people with their mundane lives. Awesome. 0/10
Lollipop Chainsaw- Why did I play this game again ? It was terrible! I even beat it somehow! It's one of the most sexually charged games I've ever played, and that brings it down completely. You're an 18 year old cheerleader who kills zombies on the side. Why the fuck not! The problem here is the levels are about an hour each, and dear god, do they drag. Fuck that shit! She carries around her boyfriend's decapitated head too, since that's just what you do! The female lead comes from an annoying ass family who shows up so they can make even more bad jokes about her wacky sisters. Awesome. 2/10
Fable Anniversary Edition- I liked the third one, but this remake had too many technical issues for me to get into it. I understand all of the characters look like the worst British Slag you'd find in the back alleys of England, but the game was just so muddy looking, and the camera swung so wildly it hurt my head. It didn't help the voices were laggy, the lead looks like a product of incest, and the game kept chugging. There was also some weird feedback running on the bottom of the screen. The whole game made me nauseous. Sorry Fable, onto your brother, Fable 2 someday soon!
Sonic Generations- They haven't made a playable Sonic game since Adventure two, and a good one in even longer, so this was a pleasant surprise. Sonic from the past must team up with present Sonic to beat two Dr. Robotniks/ Eggmans. You play revamps of classic levels, and I really loved the music. The issue was the last two level and final two boss fights were painful. One of the levels involved giant fiery tornadoes that made every jump excruciating, The other level involved rockets fucking every to accomplish anything, it got old FAST. Combine this with the fact that to access the boss levels you had to go through beaten levels and do a special mission, and you get a game full of wasted potential. Still, I did enjoy the first 2/3rds enough. 7/10
Resident Evil 6- I loved Resident Evil 4, so a game with Leon as the lead is a must have. Too bad they had to give three other characters a route, and they were virtually unplayable. Chris and his partner's levels played like an awful Call of Duty Clone, and I didn't give a fuck about Wesker's kid and Sherry. Leon teams up with a young Mariska Hargitay to plow through Resident Evil 4 if Michael Bay was in charge. Needless to say, it was fucking awesome. The game was half quicktime events, and half explosions. It contains exploding planes, helicopters, Tanker Trucks loaded with Gasoline, and killing bosses with exploding barrels. I loved it! I played the PC version after it came out, but it contained a game ending glitch where Leon died after meeting Chris. This pissed em off immensely and I wasn't far off from the end. Still, a few weeks back I saw the Xbox 360 version up for $6 and caved. It was definitely worth that, and not much more. 3/10 overall, 8/10 for Leon's route.
Persona 4 Arena: I loved Persona 3 and 4, but this game was boring. The characters from 3 and 4 are pulled into a game where they fight because of misunderstandings. There's also an impersonator orchestrating the whole event! To make it even worse, you can't just finish a character's story, you have to go through with everyone to unlock it, then go back to finish a story you probably don't remember. It's basically a dull visual novel with a decent fighting mixed in, but that is few and far in between. 3/10
Since I have a boss computer, I feel I must get the most out of it as I possibly can! So here's my run down yo!
Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn - You think I'd be gun shy about this after the terrible Thirteen trilogy, but it was on sale on gamestop.com for $15, and came with a thirty day free subscription! I was impressed and horribly addicted for the first week I played this. I barely slept or ate, didn't work out, all I wanted to do was grind. It's like World of Warcraft, except prettier. The Final Fantasy aesthetic has been applied to an MMO and it works well. The character creation is beautiful, and all of your favorite classes are there. I played a s a blue haired lancer, because I wanted to be a dragoon. They looked fucking sick! The easiest way in the game to level up are FATEs. These are events that happen on the world map that anyone can join in. A low level can creep on in for a high level event, and net some sick experience and money. Combine that with dungeons and plenty of quests and you have an easy way to hit 50.
The main issues I have with it are that like most MMOs, the grinding gets monotonous around 40. My goal was to become a Dragoon and call it quits, but when you become a Dragoon they give you a fancy stone that changes your name tag to Dragoon. I was a scrub lancer, and not too happy with it. I hit 44 and just couldn't take it anymore. It felt like a job, and I am morally opposed to work. Still I had more that $15 worth of fun! 7/10
Dark Souls- A causal like me should have never attempted this. I died constantly, and it was miserable. I could never call people because I was always hollowed, and everything raped my face. I called it quits around level 30 when I was hollowed, stuck in the middle of nowhere, and tree monsters would rape my face to death constantly. I couldn't even level because they were stronger than me and didn't even drop enough souls to be worth my trouble. Fuck this broken ass piece of shit in the ass. 2/10
Resident Evil 5- The series tradition to more of an action game didn't go over so well with most people, but I had plenty of fun with it. Chris Redfield has been hitting the steroids hard, and decides to head to Africa to kill black zombies. Why not right ? He's partnered with a black chick with some seriously retarded AI. I would tell her to run, and she would get stuck in the corner and get raped by zombies. Then I'd have to save her ass again. I would then beat her with my stun rod, because she didn't take damage, and she needed to know her place. One thing that was nice was that if you died at a boss you could restart it after buying a rocket launcher, and one hit kill almost every boss. Fuck yeah! You get to take out a giant monster with a satellite cannon too, awesome. This game does finally kill off Wesker, ending his love affair with Chris. Till Resident Evil 7 anyway. 7/10
Batman Arkham Asylum- It's like Resident evil, but with less zombies and more Batarangs! It had even more backtracking, which shouldn't be possible. Still, it's a cool game over all. You wander around as Batman using his toys and kicking ass. 7/10
Batman Arkham City- This time Batman must fight the Joker in the city of Gotham! The free roaming was super cool, but my main issue was too many gadgets, and there are criminals EVERYWHERE! Why does anyone want to live in this city again ? The Catwoman chapters felt tacked on, but they were a breast of fresh air. It's probably the best in the series. 8/10
Batman Arkham Origins- The story of when Bruce was just starting out! He has less gadgets, which is nice, and electric fighting gloves! Too bad the bosses are rape, particularly Deathstroke. He was fucking hard! Especially for a boss so early in the game. Dude wrecked my shit so hard I almost rage quit. The final battle against Bane was broken too, he's so juiced up on Venom that you have to sneak up on him and hit him. Which is near impossible, and even when you manage to mack contact, it barely does any damage. You have to sneak up on this behemoth, not get raped, and hit him into electrified bars, and somehow keep doing this to beat him. What makes it so complicated is that he tears out most of your hiding spots, so you're pretty much fucked. I watched the end on YouTube. 5/10
South Park Stick of Truth- MUH nostalgia. I heard this game was great, and it was FUCKING AMAZING!!! You get to play as a new kid who moved to South Park, and joins a side in the fight for the Stick of Truth. The game is hilarious, and contains jokes from earlier South Park episodes, back when it was funny. The part where they went to Canada almost killed me. I love this game so much! 10/10
Fable 3- It's a generic WRPG that basically was good enough for me to not quit. I think I spent more time trying to apply a nude patch than playing it, the game is like 5 hours. You're a princess (or prince) that wants to take back her kingdom, and kill some vague evil. You do this by completing quests and hanging out. You can get married and have sex, but I can do that in real life. I can't be a ruler of a Kingdom that fights DARKNESS! 6/10
The World Ends With You- It's pretty much a more stylistic version of Kingdom Hearts that takes place in Shibuya. The game does ana amazing jon making use of the touch screen, but the combat gets monotonous, and the characters never shut up! I made it to only a few days from the end, but just couldn't keep going. There was too much text, and I really didn't care anymore. This game does have some sweet moves and style, it just hasn't aged well in my opinion. 7/10, and Sho Minamimoto is too cool for this game.
Pokemon Heart Gold- I loved the original Pokemon, and I loved Pokemon X . . . because it reminded me of the original, and my team consisted of original characters. That wasn't an option hear, I was stuck with Pokemon I didn't give a fuck about, trudging through non nostalgia fueled areas. I made it to Lance's last Pokemon on the Elite Four, and was wiped out by his Aerodactyl. It somehow had moves that were super effective against everyone I had, and it attacked first! I ripped out the game, threw it at the wall, and haven't touched it since. 5/10. Now where my 3ds remake of Red ?
I don't see the point in reviewing game individually, because everyone and their mother does it. I'll probably do another blog or two like this during summer because my backlog is decently sized. Here's what I got:
XBOX 360:
Gundam Dynasty Warriors 3
Fable 2
Dragon's Dogma
Catherine
Playstation 2
Dark Cloud 1 and 2
Playstation One
Suikoden I and II
Nintendo DS
Dragon Ball Z : Attack of the Saiyans
9 hours, 9 persons, 9 doors
Radiant Historia
Mario and Luigi : Partners in Time
Mario and Luigi : Inside Boswers Story
Nintendo 3DS
Conception 2
Rune Factory 4
Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds
Zero escape : Virtue's Last Reward
Mario and Luigi : Dream Team
Paper Mario Sticker Star
Legend of Zelda: A Link between Worlds
WII:
Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword
Sonic Colors
PS3
Last of Us
Ni No Kuni : The Wrath of the White witch
Akiba's Trip : Undead and Undressed
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